My name is John Manke and I am an alchemy major here at St. Olaf. There aren't many alchemy majors here on the hill. In fact there are only two of them, my apprentice John Klimp and myself. This blog was created to show the rest of the St. Olaf community why alchemy is such an important subject and perhaps bring a few more people over to the alchemy major camp.
The first order of business is to defend alchemy against the preposterous arguments concerning the validity of it. These arguments include that it’s a "pseudo-science" and that it's ancient, obsolete, and useless. What kind of an argument 'is it's a "pseudo-science"?' Many other so called "pseudo sciences" have gained mainstream acceptance such as astrology, psychology, and pornography. Besides the fact that chemistry is an accepted science even though it's little more than the bastard son of alchemy. It's far to convoluted to be considered a valid subject. I mean what's with all those elements? Everyone knows that everything on earth is comprised of five basic elements, earth, fire, water, air, and peanuts (this last element was discovered in 1656 by famous African American alchemest George Washington Carver). Also to say that alchemy is ancient and useless is completely false. Any sane human can understand that turning lead into gold thereby prolonging human life is a very useful and pragmatic pursuit. I know that people think that this is impossible, but obviously these people haven't heard of magic.
Finally there have been many famous American alchemists...
George Washington Carver
William Howard Taft
And of Course the most famous American alchemist
Susan B. Anthony
Turning lead into gold and frowns into smiles,
John Manke
Next Week: Alchemy and Astrology
1 comment:
As one of very few Canadian Women's Studies majors here at Olaf, I can totally sympathize with your tough position. People ask me all the time what the point of my major is. And of course I tell them, because if we don't understand Canadian women now, they won't ally with us when the Moose and Grizzly bears of the north fight the Canadian lumberjacks in the forthcoming Canadian Civil Maple Syrup War in 2012, which would otherwise lead to the Moose nuking Northfield.
So like I said, its silly for us to have to defend our courses of study! THEY WILL THANK US SOMEDAY
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